This message is supposed to be posted on 4/11, Saturday. However, due to a Blogger problem, I was unable to post it.
“I know everybody has their own story to tell,” Baona once typed in her blog.
This sentence has always been deeply remembered in my heart.
Sometimes, you know,
No, I don’t think anyone knows.
My life’s no life I believe.
And I’m glad (or I shouldn’t be) when I can help someone.
This sentence, told me a lot of things.
Yes, everyone has their bad memories somewhere inside their heart
And sometimes I really thought that I NEEDED to find someone
Who will really listen to all these CRAP that I want to tell
But I couldn’t
Firstly because I don’t have the 勇气 (courage sounds too positive)
And secondly everyone else’s story really needs much more concern than what I need
Thus helping others has been my top priority
Sometimes I thought
That the age difference really makes a _difference_
With me at the age of 14++
I believe that this would make a difference in my everyday life
In whether I get to hang out with my friends (they don’t ask me out)
In whether I really can talk with someone who really listen to what I say
From the bottom of my heart (thanks Andre, and until now I still believe that our little age difference makes us good friends)
And I always thought of myself as someone despicable
Maybe because of my childishness that I really wanted to change but really couldn’t
This childish mindset is really affecting my lifestyle I believe
I told myself I want to change
But I never?
Sigh. I believe that it’s because of my inability to challenge what I have decided
I feel lonely.
Not because I don’t have friends
(friends = acquaintances?)
Like what you see on MSN
凄零零的一片
If someone (not Andre) will talk to me because he’s/she’s bored
Let me tell you
That will be when the sun rises from the west.
Yes it’s true
Haha. The age difference’s really troubling me a lot.
I think I’m asking too much, right..
I really want to help
I really want to lend my shoulder
Should you encounter any problems
And I am willing to help you to try to solve the problem
Sometimes I told myself that my mindset is weird
I want to help, and when I couldn’t I told myself that I am useless
And I believe that this kind of thinking is derived from the fact that I am isolated
Because of the age difference I guess.
What if I didn’t skip Primary 4?
I don’t know.
I really enjoy my adventures from Secondary 1-4 (=
My mother told me that it is good that I want to help others
But it isn’t good that I feel that I am useless when I can’t help
But.. Tell me, what else can I do?
I am just so useless I think
I can’t do anything right
And my way of doing things is _really_ childish
Tell me to change huh
I am trying to
But I don’t know how long it will take
Everyone has their own story to tell.
So I guess I shall shut up.
And before I forget, I really regret for the first 20+ posts in my Wordpress blog.
Sorry to all those who read it.
It was kind of a childish act by me you see?
Again it’s something that “没有经过大脑”, quoted by my mother when scolding me.
You know, it’s kind of weird when I am doing this at Genting Highlands.
Haha, but it just felt kind of stupid.
Kelvin told me that my class people don’t like people who use
And sadly I am one.
Yeah, I’m trying to change this..
Trying not to use it anymore.
Although it’s to some people’s amusement
But now, really, I am starting to think that it is just lame.
I guess I shouldn’t think too much.
But these type of stuff are really subjective
When you shouldn’t think too much and relax
Just ignoring it won’t solve the problem. Haha.
I guess I’ll stop here.
- Artix (=
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This message is supposed to be posted on 5/11, Sunday. However due to the lack of internet there is again a delay.
This post was constantly updated throughout the day.
Sigh.
My aunt wanted to stay with her friends 1 more day
And that led to me being forced to stay in Selangor for another day
And this time without internet
I think I sound like the internet is my everything
Sigh. Like keep complaining like that.
I’m thinking about whether all the computers, blogs, or anything
If they have a life?
Then I’m like not treating my blog in a good way
Since it’s just a platform for me to shout out all my emotions
And it’s just not right
But
Trust me
You won’t play yourself when you are at Genting, right?
Like you were forced to Genting
And all the elders went to the casino
And what the hell are you supposed to do???
Eat sleep play slack
Nothing else?
Sigh.
Actually I think going on to MSN doesn’t make a difference.
Just read through some of my past conversations
And found out that some stuff that I chatted with Andre
As In what I have said
Was damn childish.
Anyway Andre pawns everyone with 1259kb (the chat log file size)
That’s a bit noob damn a lot la!
There’s something wrong with Lee Koon.
I think she’s iNfAtUaTeD with someone..
Look at all her spastic (yes spastic) nicknames
“感冒了... 但是我还是要走进你的生活圈子…”
Hah. And her blogskin..
Obviously it’s not right la.
Guess she needs some private time to think..
Actually I think she’s.. (don’t know what to use)
She’s always lively and happy
And she’s always trying to help others who are sad
But deep in her heart I believe she is actually quite weak..
Or did I not understand enough about her.
Hah. Childish thinking.
Worst bath I have ever taken since I was born.
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Hah. I never thought it would be like that.
